大干世界，多姿多彩；人間生活，關(guān)愛燦爛。在我們的生活中，有這樣一個真實的故事。（文筆簡潔，點扣題眼。）
The world is full of diversity; human life is full of care. In our life, there is such a true story. (the writing is simple and the point is close to the topic.)
一個嚴(yán)冬的早晨。在一個偏僻的小巷里，卻有許多人圍在一起看著什么，忽然一個中年男子擠進了人群，("擠"寫出人多，同時也突出"他"想看個究竟的急切心情。)他發(fā)現(xiàn)冰冷的地上竟蜷著一個哇哇直叫的女嬰。這是一個被拋棄的孩子，他顧不得一些人的議論，毅然決然地把女嬰拖了回家。("蜷"字用得準(zhǔn)確形象。"顧不得"寫出心情急切，"毅然決然"描繪出態(tài)度果斷之勢。)
A cold winter morning. In a remote alley, there are many people around looking at something. Suddenly, a middle-aged man crowded into the crowd. ）He found a screaming baby girl curled up on the cold ground. This is a abandoned child. He ignored some people's comments and resolutely dragged the baby girl home. (& quot; curl up & quot; words are used accurately. &Quote; can't help but write about being in a hurry, and describe a decisive attitude. )
這位中年男子便是本地的一位菜農(nóng)。他家的經(jīng)濟并不富裕，一家人靠賣菜為生。他的妻子見丈夫抱著嬰兒回來時，先是吃了一驚，當(dāng)她聽完丈夫的敘說后，便同意收養(yǎng)這可憐的孩子。夫妻倆商量了一下，給孩子取名為"龍女"。從此，龍女幸福地與父母生活在一起?？珊镁安婚L，好的名字并沒給她帶來幸福的命運，就在龍女11歲那年，一次她在放學(xué)的路上突然昏倒。龍女的父母得知后，迅速將其送進了醫(yī)院。(插敘身份、家境，為下文替龍女治病蓄勢。"吃了一驚"既寫情態(tài)，又寫心理。敘述故事，反映生活中的"亮點"--收養(yǎng)棄嬰。)
The middle-aged man is a local vegetable farmer. His family is not rich in economy. They live by selling vegetables. When his wife saw her husband come back with the baby, she was shocked. When she heard what he said, she agreed to adopt the poor child. The couple discussed and named the child & quot; Longnv & quot;. From then on, Longnv lived happily with her parents. But it didn't last long. A good name didn't bring her a happy fate. When Longnv was 11 years old, she suddenly fainted on the way to school. When Longnu's parents learned about it, they rushed her to the hospital. (narrate the identity and family background to prepare for the treatment of Longnv. &Quot; was surprised & quot; wrote both modality and psychology. Narrate the story and reflect the highlights of life - adopt the abandoned baby. )
醫(yī)院辦公室里傳來了醫(yī)生和龍女父親的談話：
In the hospital office came a conversation between the doctor and Long Nv's father:
"你的女兒患的是腎功能衰竭癥，兩個腎的功能不久將會完全喪失，隨時都有生命危險，要想治好這種病，只有換腎。"
&Your daughter is suffering from renal failure. The function of both kidneys will be completely lost soon. She is in danger of life at any time. If she wants to cure this disease, she has to change her kidney. "
"換腎!?"龍女的父親驚疑地問，猛然間又急切地說，"換，一定換，我就是要飯也一定給她換上!"(從"驚疑"到"急切"寫出神情的變化，兩個"一定"可見態(tài)度堅決。)
&Long Nv's father asked suspiciously, suddenly and eagerly, he said, "change, change, I will change for her even if I want to eat! & quot; (from & quot; suspicions & quot; to & quot; eagerness & quot; to write the change of expression, two & quot; must & quot; can be seen with resolute attitude.". )
"可醫(yī)療費是很昂貴的，大約需要20萬元左右。再說這合體的腎又從哪里去找呢?"醫(yī)生同情而又為難地說。(人物語言符合人物身份，很有個性。這幾段對話形式變化多樣。)
&But the medical expenses are very expensive, about 200000 yuan. And where can we find the kidney of this combination. (the character language is in line with the character's identity and has personality. The forms of these dialogues vary. )
龍女的父親急呆了，他沒說話，只是沉默，只是流淚。（情態(tài)描寫得體。兩個"只是"寫出了急切，寫出了無奈。此處無聲勝有聲。）
Long Nv's father was in a hurry. He didn't speak, but was silent, just crying. (the description of modality is appropriate. Two & quot; s just & quot; s are eager and helpless. Silence is better than sound.)
這件事很快傳開了，人們都主動地捐款，來救助龍女。（過渡自然，情節(jié)陡轉(zhuǎn)。一方有難，八方支援。）
The story spread quickly, and people offered to donate money to help Longnv. (the transition is natural and the plot changes abruptly. If one side is in trouble, support from all sides.)
全市各級領(lǐng)導(dǎo)一邊組織了"獻愛心"的捐款活動，一邊在媒體上尋找合適的獻腎者。這時，山東一位干部來電說，要獻出一個腎。人們憂愁的臉上綻開了一絲笑容。（龍女患病，眾人相助，側(cè)面描寫社會各界捐助活動，這真是文明之花處處開，生活亮點時時有。）
At the same time, leaders at all levels of the city organized a donation activity of & quot; giving love & quot; and at the same time, they searched for the right kidney donors in the media. At this time, a cadre in Shandong called and said that he would donate a kidney. There was a smile on people's sad faces. (the dragon lady is ill and everyone helps her. She describes the donation activities from all walks of life. It's really a flower of civilization that blooms everywhere and highlights life from time to time.)
換腎手術(shù)成功后，在醫(yī)務(wù)人員悉心護理下，龍女康復(fù)很快。（略寫換腎手術(shù)，目的在于突出"關(guān)愛"主題，剪裁得體，詳略得當(dāng)）。龍女知道這一切時，覺得這仿佛是一場夢，一場讓她無法置信的夢?？蔁o論如何，在龍女的眼里，她已有了成于上萬的父母--那些曾經(jīng)救助過她的好心人，是他們給了她新的生命。（寫龍女所感，有助于主題的升華。）
After the success of the kidney replacement operation, under the careful care of the medical staff, Longnv recovered quickly. (the purpose of sketching out kidney replacement surgery is to highlight the theme of & quot; Care & quot;. It's cut appropriately and detailed appropriately.). When Longnv knew all this, she thought it was like a dream, a dream she couldn't believe. In any case, in Longnu's eyes, she has become tens of thousands of parents - those who have helped her, they gave her a new life. (writing about the feelings of the dragon lady helps to sublimate the theme.)
親愛的朋友，你聽說了這段感人的故事后，難道你不認(rèn)為這是生活中用愛交織成的亮點嗎?在生活中也正是這些亮點，奏響了精神文明和物質(zhì)文明的偉大樂章。我想，只要人人都獻出一點愛，生活中的亮點一定永放光芒，發(fā)揚光大。（抒情議論，點明題旨，深化主題。）
Dear friends, after hearing this touching story, don't you think it's the bright spot interwoven with love in life? It's also the bright spot in life, playing the great music of spiritual civilization and material civilization. I think that as long as everyone gives a little love, the highlights of life will always shine and carry forward. (Lyric discussion, point out the theme and deepen the theme.)
