藍色的蛹，束縛著青春，帶來無限掙扎的傷痛；金色的蝴蝶，翩翩起舞，為您訴說破繭而出的新生的喜悅……

The blue chrysalis binds the youth and brings the pain of endless struggle; the golden butterfly, dancing, tells you the joy of new life coming out of the chrysalis

——題記

-- inscription

藍色的蛹

Blue pupa

人們說我是一個“不合群”的病孩子，我自己認為也是。我不喜歡嘈雜的人群，我不喜歡別人無意闖進我的生活，我只喜歡靜靜地看著人流，無風吹過的心畔，激不起陣陣的漣漪，惟獨自己孤芳自賞。逐漸地，我為自己編織著藍色的蛹，含淚訴說著青春的傷痛，把自己重重包圍，只有藍色的憂郁陪伴著我……

People say I'm an "out of group" sick child, and I think so. I don't like noisy people. I don't like people who have no intention to break into my life. I just like watching the flow of people quietly. I can't stir up ripples by the side of my heart when there's no wind. I'm just enjoying myself. Gradually, I weave blue pupae for myself, tearfully tell the pain of youth, surround myself, only blue melancholy accompanies me

破繭的掙扎

Cocoon breaking struggle

在藍色的蛹里，暗無天日，我見不著光明，看不到希望。我極力掙扎，孤獨感籠罩著我。我的心蠢蠢欲動了，我渴望破繭后的新生，渴望去外面的世界再次見到新生的太陽?？墒俏矣趾ε轮房s在角落里。我是如此矛盾，我渴望新生，卻害怕破繭后陽光的刺痛。青春，就是如此的神秘，它引領(lǐng)著人們走向成熟。強烈的新生欲望，使我破繭而出，走向光明……

In the blue pupa, there is no light or hope in the dark. I struggled so hard that I felt lonely. My heart is ready to move, I am eager to break the cocoon of new life, eager to go to the outside world to see the new sun again. But I was afraid to cower in the corner. I am so contradictory, I long for new life, but I am afraid of the sting of sunshine after cocoon breaking. Youth is such a mystery that it leads people to maturity. Strong desire for new life makes me break out of the cocoon and go to the light

金色的蝴蝶

The Golden Butterfly

破繭新生的蝴蝶，翩翩起舞。我不再孤獨，我的生命中再次點燃了愛和希望的燈盞，我勇敢地奔向藍天，在花叢中飛越，享受著陽光的和煦?；鹘鹕奈绎w向青春的絢爛……

The new butterflies are dancing. I am no longer lonely, my life once again lit the lamp of love and hope, I bravely ran to the blue sky, flying in the flowers, enjoying the warmth of the sun. I turn into a golden butterfly and fly to the splendor of youth

左手青春，右手年華！青春是破繭而出的新生。沖破青春束縛的我，也如此美麗迷人！

Left hand youth, right hand youth! Youth is a new generation coming out of the cocoon. I break through the shackles of youth, so beautiful and charming!

點評：在每年的中考作文閱卷過程中，有一類作文讓人眼前一亮。其基本結(jié)構(gòu)為：文前有“題記”，有的文后還有“后記”；文中用幾個并列關(guān)系或遞進關(guān)系的小標題來構(gòu)架全文。如上文，開頭有簡潔的題記；主體部分用了三個小標題：“藍色的蛹”、“破繭的掙扎”、“金色的蝴蝶”。小標題對各個段落的內(nèi)容起了畫龍點睛的作用，而小標題之間的遞進關(guān)系，顯示了“戰(zhàn)勝自己”的心路歷程。連續(xù)評卷的疲勞之際，忽見此類文章，自然會產(chǎn)生一種特別的審美愉悅。

Comments: in the process of the composition marking of the senior high school entrance examination every year, there is a kind of composition that makes people bright in front of their eyes. Its basic structure is as follows: there are "inscriptions" in front of the text, and "postscript" in some of the text; in the text, several parallel or progressive sub headings are used to frame the full text. As mentioned above, there are simple inscriptions at the beginning; three subtitles are used in the main part: "blue pupa", "cocoon breaking struggle", "golden butterfly". The subtitle plays a key role in the content of each paragraph, and the progressive relationship between the subtitles shows the process of "conquering yourself". During the fatigue of continuous marking, it will naturally produce a special aesthetic pleasure to see such articles suddenly.

本文以優(yōu)美的語言，顯示了小作者豐富的想像能力，讓人得到美的享受。一是在整體上，以“結(jié)繭”、“破繭”、“化蝶”這一自然界的生命現(xiàn)象來象征青春期的困惑、抗爭與新生的歷程，顯得非常新穎而貼切；二是各個段落中，生動傳神的語言比比皆是。如：以“無風吹過的心畔，激不起陣陣的漣漪”、“把自己重重包圍，只有藍色的憂郁陪伴著我”來形容青春的自閉；以“我渴望新生，卻害怕破繭后陽光的刺痛”來揭示極度矛盾的心理；以“我的生命中再次點燃了愛和希望的燈盞，我勇敢地奔向藍天，在花叢中飛越，享受著陽光的和煦”來渲染沖破封閉獲得新生的欣喜。

With beautiful language, this paper shows the rich imagination ability of the author, and makes people enjoy the beauty. On the whole, it is novel and appropriate to symbolize the perplexity, struggle and rebirth of adolescence with the natural life phenomena of "cocoon forming", "cocoon breaking" and "butterfly changing"; on the other hand, vivid and vivid language is everywhere in each paragraph. For example, to describe the youth's autistic with "the heart without wind can't stir up the ripples" and "surrounded by myself, only blue melancholy accompanies me"; to reveal the extremely contradictory psychology with "I yearn for new life, but fear the sting of sunshine after breaking the cocoon"; to "light the lamp of love and hope again in my life, I bravely rush to the blue sky, in the flowers Fly over and enjoy the warmth of the sun "to render the joy of breaking through the closure and getting new life.

可能是因為考場特定的緊張氛圍，本文也存在著明顯的缺陷。全文“自閉”的痛苦表現(xiàn)得比較充分，而“戰(zhàn)勝”的過程卻過于簡單，只用“青春，就是如此的神秘，它引領(lǐng)著人們走向成熟。強烈的新生欲望，使我破繭而出，走向光明”兩句話一帶而過。戰(zhàn)勝自己，重在寫戰(zhàn)勝的過程，如果只是一語帶過，則這種“勝利”就難有說服力，就不能讓讀者得到啟迪。另處，文章在語言上也有一些值得推敲的地方。如“藍色的蛹，束縛著青春”這個比喻中，“蛹”應該是“繭”之誤（后文“為自己編織著藍色的蛹”也是），而“藍色”似應為“白色”；“無風吹過的心畔”中，“心畔”應為“心湖”；“惟獨自己孤芳自賞”一句重復過多，應改為“惟有孤芳自賞”。

It may be because of the specific tension in the examination room, this paper also has obvious defects. The pain of "autistic" is fully expressed, but the process of "conquering" is too simple. Only "youth, which is so mysterious, leads people to maturity. The strong desire for new life made me break out of the cocoon and go to the light. To defeat oneself, we should focus on the process of victory. If we only take it with one word, this "victory" will be hard to be persuasive and will not inspire readers. On the other hand, the language of the article also has something to be considered. For example, in the metaphor of "blue chrysalis, binding youth", "chrysalis" should be the mistake of "cocoon" (later, "weaving blue chrysalis for oneself" is also the same), and "blue" should be "white"; in "windless heart bank", "heart bank" should be "heart lake"; "only one's own narcissism" should be replaced by "only one's narcissism".

瑕不掩瑜，且高考及中考作文評卷中，新穎的構(gòu)思、優(yōu)美的語言等，是可以加分的。本文也應在加分之列。

In addition, new ideas and beautiful language can be added to the college entrance examination and the high school entrance examination. This article should also be included in the list of bonus points.