Old Hildebrand

　　Jacob and Wilhelm Grimm

　　Once upon a time there was a peasant whose wife appealed to the village priest. The priest wanted ever so much to spend an entire day alone with her, and the peasant's wife was quite willing.

　　One day he said to her, "Listen, dear woman, I've thought it through, and I know how the two of us can spend an entire day together. On Wednesday tell your husband that you are sick and lie down in bed moaning and groaning1. Carry on like that until Sunday, when in my sermon I will preach that if anyone has a sick child at home, a sick husband, a sick wife, a sick father, a sick mother, a sick sister, brother, or anyone else, then that person should make a pilgrimage to Mount Cuckoo in Italy. There, for a kreuzer, one can get a peck of laurel leaves, and this person's sick child, sick husband, sick wife, sick father, sick mother, sick sister, brother, or anyone else, will be healed on the spot."

　　"I'll do it," said the peasant's wife. So on Wednesday she went to bed, moaning and groaning. Her husband did everything for her that he could think of, but nothing helped. Sunday arrived, and the peasant's wife said, "I'm so miserable2 that I must be near death, but before I die, I would like to hear the sermon that the priest is going to give today."

　　The peasant answered, "Oh, my child, you can't go out. If you get up it might make you worse. Look, I'll go to church and pay close attention and tell you everything that the priest says."

　　"Good," said the peasant's wife. "Go and pay close attention, and then tell me everything that you have heard."

　　So the peasant went to church, and the priest began to preach, saying that if anyone had a sick child at home, a sick husband, a sick wife, a sick father, a sick mother, a sick sister, brother, or anyone else, then that person should make a pilgrimage to Mount Cuckoo in Italy, where a peck of laurel leaves costs one kreuzer, and this person's sick child, sick husband, sick wife, sick father, sick mother, sick sister, brother, or anyone else, will be healed on the spot, and that anyone who might want to undertake this trip should come to him after the mass, and he would give him a sack for the laurel leaves and a kreuzer.

　　No one was happier than the peasant, and immediately following the mass he went to the priest and asked for the laurel sack and the kreuzer. Then he went home, and even before going inside called out, "Hurrah3! My dear wife, you are just as good as cured. The priest preached today that whoever has a sick child at home, a sick husband, a sick wife, a sick father, a sick mother, a sick sister, brother, or anyone else, then that person should make a pilgrimage to Mount Cuckoo in Italy, where a peck of laurel leaves costs one kreuzer, and this person's sick child, sick husband, sick wife, sick father, sick mother, sick sister, brother, or anyone else, will be healed on the spot, and I got the laurel sack and the kreuzer from the priest, and am going to take off immediately, so you can get better as soon as possible." And with that he set forth4.

　　He had scarcely left before his wife got out of bed, and the priest arrived. But let's leave them for awhile and see what happened to the peasant. He was hurrying along in order to arrive at Mount Cuckoo as soon as possible, when he met a kinsman5. Now this kinsman was an egg man, who was just returning from market, where he had sold his eggs.

　　"Bless you!" said the kinsman. "Where are you off to in such a hurry?"

　　"In all eternity6!" said the peasant. "My wife has become sick, and today in the priest's sermon I heard that if anyone has a sick child at home, a sick husband, a sick wife, a sick father, a sick mother, a sick sister, brother, or anyone else, then that person should make a pilgrimage to Mount Cuckoo in Italy, where a peck of laurel leaves costs one kreuzer, and this person's sick child, sick husband, sick wife, sick father, sick mother, sick sister, brother, or anyone else, will be healed on the spot, and I got the laurel sack and the kreuzer from the priest, and now I am on my way."

　　"Listen, kinsman," said the peasant's kinsman. "Don't be so simple as to believe that. Do you know what? The priest wants to spend an entire day alone with your wife. He has given you this task just to get you out from under his feet."

　　"My!" the peasant said. "How I would like to know if that is true!"

　　"Do you know what?" said his kinsman, "Just climb into my egg basket, and I will carry you home, and you can see for yourself."

　　And that is just what happened. The peasant got into the egg basket, and his kinsman carried him home. When they arrived there, the good times had already started. The peasant's wife had slaughtered7 almost everything in the farmyard and had made pancakes, and the priest was there with his fiddle8. The kinsman knocked at the door, and the peasant's wife asked who was there.

　　"It's me, kinswoman," said the kinsman. "Can you give me shelter for the night? I did not sell my eggs at the market, so now I have to carry them back home, but they are too heavy, and I can't make it. It is already dark."

　　"Well," said the peasant's wife, "you have come at a very inconvenient9 time, but it can't be helped. Just sit down over there on the bench by the stove." So the kinsman took a seat on the bench and set his pack basket down beside him. And the priest and the peasant's wife proceeded to carry on.

　　After a while the priest said, "Listen, my dear woman, you are such a good singer. Sing something for me."

　　"No," said the peasant's wife, "I can't sing anymore. I could sing well when I was younger, but that's all behind me now."

　　"Oh," said the priest, "do sing just a little."

　　So the peasant's wife started to sing:

　　I sent my husband out, you see, To Mount Cuckoo in Italy!

　　And the priest sang back: I wish he'd stay away a year The laurel leaves don't interest me Hallelujah!

　　Then the kinsman chimed in (oh, I have to tell you that the peasant's name was Hildebrand), and sang out: Hey, you my kinsman Hildebrand, What are you doing on that bench? Hallelujah!

　　The peasant, from inside the basket, sang forth: This singing I can bear no more, Here I come! Trala tralore!

　　With that he jumped from the basket, and with blows he drove the priest out of the house.

　　從前有一個(gè)農(nóng)夫和他的老婆，村里的牧師迷戀著他的老婆，早就希望和她痛痛快快地過一天，農(nóng)夫的老婆也有此意。一天，牧師對(duì)農(nóng)婦說：「聽著，我的朋友，我想出一招，我們可以痛痛快快地在一起過一天。我來告訴你，禮拜三那天，你必須躺在床上別起來，告訴你丈夫你病了，使勁呻吟，就跟真的病了一樣，你一直得裝病裝到禮拜天，那天我要布道，在布道中我會(huì)說無論誰家里有生病的孩子、生病的丈夫、生病的老婆、生病的父親、生病的母親、生病的兄弟姐妹或其他任何的病人，誰就要去意大利的高克利山朝圣，在那里用一個(gè)銅板買一配克的桂樹葉，生病的孩子、生病的丈夫、生病的老婆、生病的父親、生病的母親、生病的兄弟姐妹或其他任何的病人馬上就能藥到病除，恢復(fù)健康?！?/p>

　　「我會(huì)想法子的。」農(nóng)婦立即答應(yīng)。禮拜三一到，農(nóng)婦就按商定的辦法躺在床上大聲地呻吟，不停地折騰，她的丈夫?yàn)樗氡M了辦法，可絲毫不見效，禮拜天到了，農(nóng)婦囑咐：「我已經(jīng)病入膏肓，來日不多了，我想在臨死前作一件事，就是聆聽牧師今天的布道?！罐r(nóng)夫聞言道：「啊哈，我的寶貝，你可不能動(dòng)，如果你起來，你的身體會(huì)更糟糕的。這樣吧，我去參加布道，我會(huì)仔細(xì)聽的，然后把牧師的話一字不漏地告訴你?！?/p>

　　「那好啊，」農(nóng)婦說：「去吧，用心聽，回來后給我重複一遍?！罐r(nóng)夫去聽布道，牧師講無論誰家里有生病的孩子、生病的丈夫、生病的老婆、生病的父親、生病的母親、生病的兄弟姐妹或其他任何的病人，誰就該去意大利的高克利山朝圣，在那里用一個(gè)銅板買一配克的桂樹葉，生病的孩子、生病的丈夫、生病的老婆、生病的父親、生病的母親、生病的兄弟姐妹或其他任何病人馬上就能藥到病除，恢復(fù)健康。誰要去朝圣，彌撒完后找他，他會(huì)提供裝桂樹葉的口袋和銅板。聽完牧師的一番話，最高興的就數(shù)農(nóng)夫了，他隨即找到牧師，拿到裝桂樹葉的口袋和銅板。事情辦妥后，他就往家走，還沒進(jìn)家門就喊道：「哈哈！親愛的老婆，現(xiàn)在你簡(jiǎn)直就跟病好了一樣！牧師在布道中說無論誰家里有生病的孩子、生病的丈夫、生病的老婆、生病的父親、生病的母親、生病的兄弟姐妹或其他任何病人，誰就要去意大利的高克利山朝圣，在那里用一個(gè)銅板買一配克的桂樹葉，生病的孩子、生病的丈夫、生病的老婆、生病的父親、生病的母親、生病的兄弟姐妹或其他任何病人馬上就會(huì)藥到病除，恢復(fù)健康，我現(xiàn)在已經(jīng)從牧師那兒拿到口袋和銅板，為了你早日康復(fù)，我這就起程。」說完他就走了。他剛剛離去，牧師就到了，牧師進(jìn)來的時(shí)候，農(nóng)婦還沒起來。

　　放下這一對(duì)暫且不提，先去看看農(nóng)夫，他步履如飛，分秒不停，為了早到高克利山心急如焚，半路上遇到了他的侃山老友。他的侃友是個(gè)作雞蛋生意的，他剛在市場(chǎng)賣完雞蛋出來?！干系郾Ｓ樱官┯褑柕溃骸改氵@么著急是上哪兒去呀？」「感謝上帝，我的朋友，」農(nóng)夫答：「我的老婆生病了，我今天去聽了牧師的布道，他講無論誰家里有生病的孩子、生病的丈夫、生病的老婆、生病的父親、生病的母親、生病的兄弟姐妹或其他任何病人，誰就要去意大利的高克利山朝圣，在那里用一個(gè)銅板買一配克的桂樹葉，生病的孩子、生病的丈夫、生病的老婆、生病的父親、生病的母親、生病的兄弟姐妹或其他任何病人馬上就會(huì)藥到病除，恢復(fù)健康，我已經(jīng)從牧師那兒拿到口袋和銅板，現(xiàn)在去朝圣。」「聽著，侃友，」雞蛋販子對(duì)農(nóng)夫說，「你是真的傻到連這種鬼話都相信嗎？你知道那意味甚么嗎？牧師想和你老婆單獨(dú)風(fēng)流一天，不愿意被別人看見，所以他編造了個(gè)借口把你支開?！?/p>

　　「天地良心！」農(nóng)夫叫道：「我不能相信這是真的！」「過來，」侃友說：「我告訴你怎么做。坐進(jìn)我的雞蛋筐里，我把你背回家，到時(shí)你自己看吧。」事情就這么定了，侃友把農(nóng)夫放到筐里，背著他往家走。

　　當(dāng)他們到家時(shí)，啊哈！這里可真是熱鬧非凡呀！農(nóng)家院里的家禽幾乎都被農(nóng)婦殺光了，她還烙了薄餅，牧師也在場(chǎng)，他隨身帶著提琴。侃友敲敲門，農(nóng)婦問道是誰。「是我，侃友，」雞蛋販子答道，「我想借住一宿。雞蛋在市場(chǎng)上沒賣掉，我只好把雞蛋背回家，天已經(jīng)黑了，而且雞蛋太沉，我實(shí)在背不動(dòng)啦。」

　　「可真是的，我的朋友，」農(nóng)婦說：「你來得太不湊巧了，可是你已經(jīng)到了這兒，沒辦法。進(jìn)來吧，坐在火爐邊上的板凳上歇歇腳吧。」然后她把侃友和他背上的筐子安置到火爐旁邊的板凳上。牧師和農(nóng)婦享盡風(fēng)流，無比快樂，最后，牧師提議：「聽著，我親愛的朋友，你的歌唱得很好聽，給我唱首歌吧?！埂膏?，」農(nóng)婦說，「我現(xiàn)在唱不了。年輕的時(shí)候，我的確唱得不錯(cuò)，可那個(gè)時(shí)代已經(jīng)是一去不復(fù)返啦。」

　　「來吧，」牧師再次請(qǐng)求，「唱首情歌?！?/p>

　　農(nóng)婦不再堅(jiān)持，她開始唱道：

　　「意大利有座山叫高克利，我把我的丈夫支到那里?！?/p>

　　接著是牧師唱：

　　「我希望他離去一年不回，桂樹葉口袋歸他我永遠(yuǎn)不想。

　　哈里路亞。」

　　這時(shí)在后房的侃友開始唱（我得告訴你那農(nóng)夫叫希爾德布朗），侃友唱到道：

　　「你在干甚么，我親愛的希爾德布朗，你準(zhǔn)備在火爐邊的凳子上呆上多長(zhǎng)？

　　哈里路亞。」

　　然后農(nóng)夫在筐子里也跟著唱：

　　「今天我唱歌是氣不打一處來，在這筐里我是一刻也不想呆。

　　哈里路亞。」

　　一邊唱，他一邊從筐子里爬了出來，用鞭子將牧師抽出門外。