劉曉偉老師—中考英語寫作精彩點(diǎn)評(píng)與修改（四）

　　中考英語寫作題四（同第三題，小牛同學(xué)寫的，強(qiáng)力推薦?。?/p>

　　有些人認(rèn)為中學(xué)生看電視是在浪費(fèi)時(shí)間，另一些人則認(rèn)為看電視對(duì)中學(xué)生是有益的。請(qǐng)你以Is Watching TV a Waste of Time為題寫一篇作文。要點(diǎn)如下：

　　1．一些人認(rèn)為看電視有益，一些人則不這么認(rèn)為。

　　2．你的看法和理由

　　學(xué)生習(xí)作及修改：

　　雖然不是故意的，我又來找碴了。男子漢，別介意! ：）

　　（第一段：引出主題。）

　　As you can see，many say that watching TV is bad for our study. But I think it's good for us to watch TV because watching TV can make us more knowledgeable. (第一段先不要亮出觀點(diǎn)，議論文有現(xiàn)成的思路可以繼承。想要追求創(chuàng)新應(yīng)該在第二段中體現(xiàn)。重改第一段：People take different attitudes towards watching TV. Some believe that it is beneficial for us to watch TV . Others, however, hold the opposite opinion.)

　　（第二段：拋出觀點(diǎn)。）

　　In my opinion, we should realize the pros and cons of watching TV. （一定要加上這一句：“我們應(yīng)該認(rèn)識(shí)到看電視的利弊。” 因?yàn)槟愕挠^點(diǎn)是中立的。必須首先亮出來，然后再討論利是什么，弊是什么？最后總結(jié)一下。）

　?。ǖ谌危嚎措娨暤膬?yōu)點(diǎn)。）

　　In my opinion, we have something that we can’t learn at school. Watching TV is a good way to help us to learn this kind of things. （首先要說明看電視的優(yōu)點(diǎn)，而不是支持該觀點(diǎn)的理由?？梢愿某桑篧atching TV has many advantages. By watching TV, we have learned something that can’t be learned at school.）On TV, we know more about the news, sciences and so on in many different programs.

　　（一定要貫徹固定句型和短語優(yōu)先的原則。“對(duì)某人來說方便做某事”表達(dá)成： It is convenient for sb. to do sth. “了解”表達(dá)成： be informed of sth. 不要因?yàn)樗莻€(gè)被動(dòng)結(jié)構(gòu)，就不習(xí)慣去用它。不習(xí)慣的表達(dá)往往要好于自創(chuàng)的表達(dá)。否則，哪天讓你用腳摳鼻子給全班觀摩，一定很精彩（玩笑）?？梢愿某桑篛n TV，it is convenient for us to be informed immediately of what is happening around the world.） We can also make us fee relaxed when we are so tired by this way. (有點(diǎn)自相矛盾了。看電視看累了，再通過看電視來放松。你真牛！可以改成： Sometimes after a long time of tiring work, watching TV programs can relax us to some degree.) So I say that watching TV is not only educational but also meaningful.

　　(沒必要說I say，整篇文章你說的還不夠嗎？So watching TV is not only educational but also meaningful.)

　?。ǖ谒亩危嚎措娨暤娜秉c(diǎn)。）

　　However, Watching TV also has some disadvantages. Watching TV too more is bad for our eyes and we will have less time learning the subjects at school. (Watching TV over a long time is harmful for our eyes, and makes us have less time to learn the subjects well at school.)

　?。ǖ谖宥危嚎偨Y(jié)。）

　　So it’s important to have a rational plan for watching TV. (很好！我要再改就要犯罪了！注意：獨(dú)立成段。)

　　曉偉點(diǎn)評(píng)：

　　小牛同學(xué)：

　　這篇作文寫超級(jí)棒，很像五段式的托福綜合寫作，中考的時(shí)候要謹(jǐn)慎使用，因?yàn)榫拖裢骐p截棍一樣，你在現(xiàn)在還不能很好的控制它，所以要小心。

　　好久沒看到這樣的作文了，我很高興。

　　敬禮

　　你的劉曉偉老師

　　查看原帖：http://bbs.eduu.com/thread-155729-1-2.html